Diablo III

So, we all understand Diablo III is big fuss on the internet nowadays. Some are glorifying the game, some are shitting and pissing on it and some just don’t care. I am, myself, fan of Diablo franchise, but when I bought Diablo III and opened it I wanted to burn Blizzard company down, shit on its dust and ashes and then bring thousands of flies to eat that shit and shit even more shit on my shit. Yes, you heard me: there’s a lot of shit in Diablo III. Name restriction? Seriously? If I want to name my character “Fuckface” I WANT TO NAME IT “FUCKFACE”. That’s why I paid 60$ GODDAMN BUCKS! SO I CAN NAME MY CHARACTER WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT.

Moving on: online single player? Online single player? When I firstly saw this I thought it was an late 1st April joke. But then I realized it’s already May so there’s no way it’s an April joke. Still, I hoped it was some newborn 15th May joke. Yeah … it wasn’t. The biggest bullshit I have seen in my entire gaming experience after Counter Strike: Source failure came back and bite me right in my dick. I overraged – yes, there’s such a word in English dictionary. I want such a word because that moment was a moment of overrage for me. I was a warrior with 100 rage cap but my rage had risen so badly that I had 101. Yes, I ruined the mathematics of the game because Diablo III ruined my perspective of the gaming scene nowadays. Even when I got into the game, creating my character with diabolically stupid name, I ran onto the bug that was crossing his way from the CLOSED BETA! NOT FROM THE OPEN BETA! FROM THE FUCKING CLOSED BETA! Overraged was now small thing. I wanted to bite off Blizzards eyes and ears, throw them into boiling water, shit on it, and then pour it all over their dead bodies. I know it’s kind a disturbing image, but let’s get serious about this. If I wanted to play freekin’ MMO I’d play World of Warcraft. I don’t give a fuck about piracy or any other reason you made this game MMO whatsoever – what I give a fuck about is the playtime that was reduced as maximum as possible. My friend from Indonesia, with really underdeveloped internet (128kb/s download speed, 48kb/s upload speed) had a ping that broke any known number in math. There were numbers, letters, question marks and a freekin’ vagina. Maybe he was just horny back in a day, but it is possible. It’s as simple as this: the game wasn’t much to begin with, but they ruined it to such a level that I’m afraid to begin playing both, Diablo and Diablo II because I want them to remain in great memory they are in right now.

Moving on; I’m playing, oh yeah, I’m on fire. Level 9 Demon Hunter owning stuff and shit. And “Pop” – a friend has joined your game. “What the fuck?” he thought “Seriously Blizzard? Are you nuts or you were just dumb as bloondee bitch when you were making game?” – he overraged. I pressed Alt+F4 so many times that I actually turned off TV in the other room and a radio like five blocks away. I DON’T WANNA PLAY WITH MY DUMB AND RETARDED FRIENDS! I wanna rape those bosses all by myself even if it takes 100000000000000000000000 shots on it (don’t worry though, you could beat each boss by just clicking keyboard with your dick; true story). At that point, I don’t wanna even write what I wanted to do. You’ll probably leave this blog you visited by accident even after reading this, I don’t wanna scar you for life.

Diablo III is actually polished Diablo II with ten times worse gameplay and story. It requires no bigger IQ than the one the height of your wall possesses (In meters). Let me put it in a poem:

You can play it with the eyes closed

You can play it while jerking off

Or playing with the boobs you know

Or while you’re sleeping all alone

The game is so dumb, overrated, over-expanded that it seems as the classics such as Diablo, Baladur’s Gates and games as those seem as top yelp of a gaming dog. If this is the farthest we can reach, I’ll use one widely known meme:

So long until the next post.


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