Erm, so, two movies for a 300p book? Yeah …

As you may have noticed, it’s been awhile since I posted anything. My life’s been quite dull recently, and I kept silent in hope the college will get better. Nah.

Anyway, enough about my private life and my woe-is-me whining. Let’s move onto the real stuff.

A pressing concern for me, recently, had become the aspect of separating a book into several movies. You know? Harry Potter, Hobbit, Twilight and recently The Hunger Games? Yeah. So, to speak right out: WHAT THE FUCK?! HOW IS THIS A TREND?! ARE YOU GUYS FUCKING INSANE?! Huh, I feel so much better. So let me elaborate.

Although I wasn’t all okay when Harry Potter did such thing, I could somewhat understand; it was quite a long book, and I could see two movies out of it. I still wasn’t okay because I honestly thought, if they put a bit effort, they could have made one movie. But I made my peace with it. The next in line was the Twilight: Breaking Dawn. I mean, what to say? Those two movies are already a history joke, both in their own rights. Two years in a row, both of them appear on pretty much every list of Top Worst movies of 2012/2013. It’s obvious that there was not A SINGLE FUCKING REASON TO HAVE TWO MOVIES ABOUT ONE BOOK. THERE WAS NOT A SINGLE FUCKING REASON. I quickly want to move past Hobbit to discuss the Hunger Games, but I’ll still say something. Three Hobbit movies IS FUCKING BULLSHIT! Look, I love both of the movies. Not because they’re super-mega-amazing, but because I love the world of the Middle Earth and seeing the characters I love (from the books and the previous movies) is really great. But fuck me if it’s normal to have three fucking 2 hour long movies about a fucking 400 pages book. If there was ever a bigger cash-grab in movie history (except the Avatar) butt-fuck me right now. Peter Jackson, what have you done?

Now, I finally came to the icing of the cake – which is THE MOCKING JAY! (imagine I said that in a scary, scary deep voice). So … the Mocking Jay. It’s the third book in The Hunger Games trilogy, and by far the worst and I’ll always stick by that. The Hunger Games trilogy is pretty average on all accounts, but I really loved the second book (didn’t watch the movie though), and I enjoyed the ride … somewhat. Now, the first movie was utter crap – let’s be honest. It was one of the worst adaptations they could have pulled off, and it really pressed my concerns. I really hope they fixed it in the second book. But, what I really want to discuss is this: HOW THE FUCK WILL THEY MAKE TWO MOVIES OUT OF THE THREE HUNDRED PAGES BOOK? WHAT THE FUCK WILL THEY ACTUALLY PUT IN THESE PARTS? Oh God, if they fill it up with fucking Katniss/Peeta and whatever the fuck that other guy’s name is, I’m going to kill them. The third book is basically a slug fest of plot holes, of forced twists and developments, and more stupid-ass Katniss doing her thing. So, heavy spoilers ahead, guys. Ok? Ok.

The third book went downhill rather quickly – and by quickly I mean in the first fucking scene where they explain her how they freed her and how Peeta is now in the hands of the evil president Snoooow. I’m thinking that the first part of the movie will lead up to the invasion of Capitol, and the second part onward from that. Now, the part before the invasion of Capitol is about 150-200 pages or so in the books (it’s been awhile since I read it), and fuck me if it should take longer than 1h to go through that. Half of that is Katniss talking to herself anyway, being half-depressed or something, and there’s basically 0 action – nothing happens. They stay underground, do some training, Katniss befriends some people, they find a cat, she goes hunting and they make a video of her posing blah blah. It’s boring. It’s really, really boring and a pain to read through. Things start going in some direction when she visits some wounded district and shoots fucking airplanes with her arrows … now, I don’t want to be a cynical, but fuck the lord if that makes any sense whatsoever. Sure, they use some sort of the explosive arrows, but did anyone read fucking physics book before writing this part? Oh whatever … it’s young adult fiction. Logic does not apply there.

Anyway, all I’m saying is that the book is really, really bad and DOES NOT deserve two movies – let alone the fact that it doesn’t have NEARLY ENOUGH material for two movies. Prepare for some heavy fillers, stretched-out fucking dialogues and god knows what. Oh, and yeah, the book has this pre-ending that seriously had me “Wut? Wut?”

Let’s think logically for a second. So, she sees her sister in this chaos with other doctors. Where did she come from? Why the fuck is a thirteen year old girl in the frontlines? What the fuck is she doing? Holy crap, what the hell? And bang, the bombs and shit and stuff happens and Prim dies. Let’s face it – THAT was a forced twist. There’s no way in human hell that any logic can apply to those actions. First off, I really doubt she was pushed by that chick or whatever to go to the frontlines since there were people back there who WOULD NEVER allow it. Second, fuck me in my brain if any thirteen year old girl wants to be in the frontlines of war. Anyway, the next chapter(s?) are about Katniss being drugged, lost, with constant memories of Prim and that black chick that died in the first book, and how she’s useless and about ending her life and god knows what. Then she has a talk with EVIL PRESIDENT SNOW, and kills that grey chick. Okay, ho, ho, hold! Now, I understand that Katniss is quite stupid – I’m not denying that – but, you trust a guy whom you hated ever since the day you were born? Well, fuck-la-be-du-da-di. These are just the reasons I think this book in particular sucks, and has nothing to do with the movie adaptation. It’s just stupid to make two movies out of this shit. It’s impossible in all sense and logic.

This problem is getting on my nerves, okay? This shit should be stopped, seriously. If Lord of the Rings franchise required 3 movies to be amazing, I’m sure as fuck fucking Hunger Games and Twilight and that bullshit don’t need 4 or 5 movies. It needs to be stopped. It needs to be burned, shat on and covered in pigeon shit for the remains of the earth days. Fuck it. Just fuck it …

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