So ………….. I’ll probably stop posting about books here unless I decide to do something like “WHY DO ALL YA BOOKS FUCKING SUCK?!” or something. Instead, I’ll do a review for each book I read and you can find me on Goodreads with all my ‘good reviews’. My profile is: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/10878582-haris
Here’s “A Match Made in High School” review below, and to read my “Epic Fail Review” please visit: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/829021121?book_show_action=false
“A MATCH MADE IN HIGH SCHOOL” WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ?
** spoiler alert ** There’s a general rule I go by while picking up a high school romance: do not choose a book written from a female perspective. However, I made a special exception, seeing all the good reviews of this book. And then I wonder: are there two of these and I simply chose the wrong one? Hell no. Back to the general rule then.
‘A Match Made in High School’ is a slob fest of idiotic behavior even a high school kid in me cannot comprehend. First, the very setting – it’s like a straight copy of 99% shoujo manga’s on the market, where a heroine gets stuck with a mean guy, and then there’s the third wheel and eventually the forth wheel and that’s the entire appeal of the fucking story. No, I’m serious. The entire book hangs on the question of who will she choose (although it tries to implement this bore fests of friendship drama and bullshit growing up/marriage crap). Don’t get me wrong, I liked the premise, and goddamn did I wish it turned out to be a good book. Hell. Fucking. No.
First off, let’s start with our main character. This is probably the most disgusting female lead, or persona, whichever you prefer, to have ever been created. And I mean that in a bad way, not a good one. I have never met a girl in my life, high school or not, who had the behavior of a six year old stupid toddler, and, TO TOP IT THE FUCK OFF, has been proud of it. Holy button shitlocks of what the actual fuck?! Did Kristin actually read her book? I swear to the unholy forces, I could barely contain my fear. I was scared shitless of this girl – and not in a good way. Amanda, who was presented as the ‘bitch of the high school’ (because fuck a story without cliche high school archetypes) was ten times more human and decent at HER WORSE. Okay, look, I can handle fingering, I can even handle ‘whatev’ & ‘whateva’, I’m fine with it, but for fuck’s sake is anyone that condescending to act out a wedgie, stick up a fucking finger in her nose, then finger another girl and BE PROUD OF IT? Holy fucking shit. And this character’s supposed to be smart, you know? She’s described and thrown in as a smart chick with ‘attitude’. Info: being a disgusting piece of shit doesn’t mean having an attitude. Get the fuck informed.
Todd ain’t any better, people. Sure, he has his funny moments, but come on. He’s an asshole, even by my standards. I’m a guy, and I would have burned this piece of shit if I had ever met him in a real life. Are American high schools really this retarded? Holy crap, I’m lucky I wasn’t born there. Half-decent human being here is Johnny. And that says a lot. Mar’s and Fiona’s relationship is straight out of the corniest novella about high school. Holy shit. It’s mostly Fiona’s fault, but goddamn Marcie isn’t that better either.
Now, the story? Erm … well, this happens … and then they … erm? I don’t know, okay?! At first, it looked like one of those ‘oh we’ll hate each other but then eventually fall in love’ kind of stories, then it took a fucking turn to being a story about cheerleaders, then about friendship, then about being humble and realizing your mistakes and then about cheerleaders again and then about relationships — story jumps all over the place. It never has a clear-cut goal, as if the writer purposely wanted to create this idea that in high school nothing makes sense. Erm, it actually does. Yeah, sorry to disappoint you.
And that FORESHADOWING (I mean, like, literally telling you that, at one point, shit’s gonna hit the fan) at the beginning with Gabe and Mar. Holy shit … talk ’bout making a mystery. Yeah, we already figured out Gabe and Mar are a thing. There goes your smart character, Kristin.
Honestly, the only fun moments of this book were the throw-outs between Todd and Fiona, and half the time they were really disgusting. High school kids aren’t disgusting people! Get over it! Guys don’t go ’round and tell girls they should take an alien out their butts and whatnot, they insult them in a way girls will get they want some. I honestly have no fucking idea why anyone would like these characters, how in the world’s name could any normal human being relate to them. Fiona, alone, has 0 redeeming quality. As I stated in the beginning: she’s the most disgusting piece of shit that has walked the planet Earth. No, not even hentai or 2g 1c can top it off.
Hats down Kristin Walker, you have made it. I just hope to Satan this isn’t half-biography half-fiction, because you deserve a hail of shit to fall on you.