2014 in a nutshell – PART 1 – Movies

Since 2014 was kind of a crap year in regards to … well … everything, I decided to start a review-by-review of each subsequent topic I discuss on my blog, starting with movies. Fortunately, 2014 for movies wasn’t as shitty as it was for games but damn, there were some fantastically fucked up pieces that came out last year.

First I’d like to discuss, shortly at least, horror genre because it probably took the biggest hit since … ever. There was maybe one, or at tops three, decent horror movies that came out last year, but their success is outweighed by dozens of borderline insane ones. For instance, for some reason Paranormal Activity was still relevant last year and, for some reason, will be this year as well. I never found it to be remotely scary, but for some reason people buy into its premise. First movie was kind of decent, second one was okay, third one was where the things started fucking themselves up, and after that it was just a colossal shitfest of gigantic fucking proportions. So gigantic that the Colossal Giants look like Hobbits next to them. I never really cared all too much for the horror genre, but it did spit out some good movies over the years. It’s really safe to say that 2014 was probably the worst year for the horror movies known me to. I have a feeling that the frenzy will die off this year, just as the world’s fascination with zombies.

Next on the list we have big blockbusters. Some did well, like Guardians of the Galaxy, others were shit, like Transformers. I mean, it’s not like expectations were high, but it’s Michael Bay, and everything always goes boom boom in the Bay City, where the characters are shitty, but chicks are pretty. And most of the cast is racist and dumb. After ‘The Happening’, I never really expect much from Mark, but damn – his performance was nearly as bad as it was in ‘The Happening’. Then there was that chick that was in ‘The Last Airbender’ and, obviously, they were both Shymalaned (do you spell it like that? Ah, who cares). Then there was also How To Train Your Dragon 2, probably one of my favorite animated movies ever, which delivered and beyond. It’s really a shame that it did not reach nearly the success of the ‘Let it Go’ lengthy music video, but hey, we can’t have all the cookies, now can we? I’ll be honest and say I didn’t watch ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’, because I don’t really care that much for the Marvel superhero stuff. If it makes you feel any better, I don’t care for the DC stuff either. And they’ve got Batman.

I did watch ‘Edge of Tomorrow’ and I did like it, despite my expectations. It was really a decent movie with good action, solid, albeit cheap and nonsensical at times story, good characters and overall it was paced and acted well. It had a lot of scientific mumbo-jumbo and wormholes that were necessary to explain certain things, but hey, at least it wasn’t fucking After Earth.

Next I want to discuss my personal worst movie of 2014, the ONLY movie I’ve watched this year and couldn’t complete – and yes, I completed Transformers, so that says pretty much everything: ‘They Came Together’. It was supposed to be a romantic comedy parody, but it turned out to be shitfest of abomination we today call “cinema”. I’ve suffered through the whole 30 minutes of this movie, during which I giggled, or even drew a smile on my face, complete 0 times, and cringed more than I dare to remember. There was no witty humor, ACTUAL satire of the romantic comedies, nothing worth noting. It was pretty much a couple telling the cliché story that we all grew to hate, and director and everyone else involved somehow thought they were “mocking” the mainstream understanding of the romantic comedy. I dare you to watch it. You’ll regret saying “I don’t wanna watch fucking Notebook, it sucks.” To your girlfriend fifty times over.

I am personally torn between Whiplash and How To Train Your Dragon 2 as my movies of the year. They were some other really good, even great movies, but these two are the ones I liked the most. The reason I didn’t mention, and won’t go deeply into, Whiplash is because I think it’s best you go see it without previous knowledge. If I said “It’ll blow your mind”, you could just go Sheldon on me and scream “SPOILER ALERT” – exactly, your mind cannot be un-blown.

All in all, 2014 was a decent year for movies. Not awesome, but not so bad either. You’ll notice I didn’t mention the final Hobbit movie, but I don’t want to. I love Middle-Earth all through, but goddamn The Hobbit trilogy was just a shitfest of drawn-out, unnecessary filler that could have been done in two movies. Even one.

Anyway, there is one movie I’d like to close this discussion with: Mockingjay – PART 1. Part. Fucking. One. I’ve already stated my disgust of this ‘new’ thing that the Hollywood champs are doing in great deal of reviews and articles I’ve wrote beforehand, but damn, this one took it to a whole new level. I knew – and had stated long ago to everyone I knew – that Mockingjay DOES NOT HAVE nearly enough material to be split into two movies. Casting aside the fact that it’s the worst book in the trilogy, and considering that the entire trilogy is at best average, why did this book need two movies? Literally nothing happens that’s worth noting except that scene where she shoots a plane with an arrow. Honestly, though, I’ve raged enough over this when I first read it in the books and had discussed it too many times already that I’ll just skim over it with the simple: What the fuck?

Next up, probably this weekend, if not sooner, I’ll take a look at the games of 2014. I have a feeling that it’ll be far more shitting than praising, and that it’ll be far longer post since I followed gaming far more than I watched movies. God I’m going to hate remembering all the pieces of shit that came out of this year’s gaming ass …

Until then, then.


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