What’s the definition of frustration? Have you ever wondered? Well, neither have I really. Until I played fucking NBA2k15. Until. I. Play. Fucking. NBA. 2k. FUCKING. 15. Specifically, MyPlayer bullshit.
If there ever was anything more frustrating to play, please, let me know. Because I can guarantee you it’s not. No, not even playing League of Legends with 2k15 ping isn’t more frustrating. If you play on any, and I mean, ANY, level above ‘Pro’, you’re gonna curse and yell and scream and tear your hair out game after fucking game. Why, you ask? Well, I’m here to tell you of course. Strap in for a long fucking ride where I’ll point out just how fucking stupid and full of bullshit MyPlayer mode is.
- Your team will suck. Whichever, whatever and whoever’s on your team. Your team will feel like a backyard 2nd graders dribbling ball for the first time in their fucking lives.
I ain’t lying. Regardless of the difficulty, your teammates will be fucking stupid. In my first season, I played at Atlanta. Milsap and Horford or whatever the fuck couldn’t do jack shit. They averaged 5 points and 3 rebounds in the playoffs, and were letting people dunk on them as if they were fucking wooden dummies. A year later, I transfer into Pelicans. First game against Atlanta. Two of them, combined, scored 80 fucking points and pulled down every rebound in the fucking game. I look at their averages 10 games later, they’re at 28-35 points and 10+ rebounds EACH. Fine. Whatever. Come forth quarter, your teammates will score 2/10 shots. Whether it’s open layup, dunk or midrange or 3pt, 2/10. If you’re lucky. While the opponents will score the most wild pieces of shit under foul and double team as if it’s a fucking free throw shot. This is extremely apparent on Hall of Fame, where, in the 4th quarter, enemy team goes fucking batshit numb in %, and scores 90% of their shots. Even if you literally hug the dude and push him to the ground, he’ll fucking score. They score EVERYTHING. And it’s not just stars. I mean, everyone. Last game I played, fucking Hibert scored 3 3pts in the 4th quarter, ONE OF THEM CONTESTED. WHAT THE FUCK!? Meanwhile, Holiday couldn’t hit a fucking layup off the fast break, let alone a fucking 3pt shot.
- Passing is fucking retarded, unless you lob every single fucking time.
Wanna get that flashy passer badge? Well, good luck. Even if you have passing of 92, which I’m currently rocking, you’ll turn over the ball almost every time. Or the pass will get tipped. Or you’ll just throw the fucking ball into the stands for no reason. Your opponent will magically appear where the ball is going and tip it. It happens so much that, at one point, I was literally forced to LOB every single pass. AND NO ONE INTERCEPTED IT FUCKING ONCE. IT’S A FUCKING LOB. It’s slower than my grandma taking a fucking crap! What. The. Fuck. 2k? Seriously. Who the fuck programmed this shit?
- Dunk and layups only.
Wanna score some flashy points like turnaround jumpers, fadeaways and leaners? Yeah … no. That ain’t happening. Especially in the fourth quarter. You will hit 1/10 leaners regardless of whether you’re guarded or not and regardless of your grade. Don’t even think about fadeaways or even worse, post fadeaways. Turnaround jumpers go up to 3/10, ONLY IF open. If there’s a guy even standing near you you gonna miss that shit hard. The safest bet is to just drive the fucking baseline and do a reverse or dunk. Or to go down the middle with hop step and get and one EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME. If you wanna do jack shit in MyPlayer, ignore the shooting tree completely. It’s fucking useless. It doesn’t matter whether your shooting is 10 or 99, your % will be the same.
- Release grades DON’T FUCKING MATTER!
Unless it’s a perfect release, they don’t fucking matter. I once scored a D+ over two guys three pointer with 0 stamina, while I miss open threes with A+ rating on “Slightly Late” or “Slightly Early” on regular basis. Unless the rating is F or Perfect Release, it’s completely fucking random whether it’ll go in or not. Shooting is fucking broken. It’s in there just to frustrate the fuck out of you and make you question why you even bother putting a single fucking point in that tree. Badges? What fucking badges? Volume shooter is literally contradictory to one of the CORE ELEMENTS OF THE FUCKING GAME which is a fucking bullshit ‘Shot Fatigue’ you get in the 4th quarter where each shot is max of C- and perfect release will never occur. Badges don’t mean jack shit.
- Shot Fatigue
Who the fuck thought this is a good and legit idea? Like, who in their right mind thought “hey, let’s make player miss every single open jump shot in the 4th quarter because he scored 20 points in the first 3”? Are people at 2k fucking retarded or something? But, if you don’t shoot, you’ll go cold because of that Volume Shooter fucking badge that everyone gets as nearly the first badge. But, if you shoot so you can heat up, the only way to score the points in the last quarter is by open layups and dunks because, get this, even if someone fucking blows at you you’ll miss it. Fuck this. This ain’t how you achieve the fucking realism you pieces of shit.
- Ratings don’t fucking matter when it comes to ANYONE else in the game
Badges, ratings and preferences and all that crap DON’T FUCKING MATTER in the game. Some players are simply programmed to HIT EVERYTHING. *Cough* Curry, Parker, Dunkan, LebRon, Westbrook and so on *Cough* while others won’t do jack shit, especially if they’re on your team. Korver, in my rookie season, averaged 19% from 3tp range while LeBron averaged 68% 3pt from the games he played with us. Or, even worse, fucking Duncan averaged 33% 3pt out of 9 attempts he had! WHAT THE FUCK?! Don’t even get me started on Curry. Come forth quarter, in every game I played against them, he was LITERALLY 100% from anywhere while you battled shot fatigue, shitty teammates who can’t score for life, double fucking teams, stupid ass AI passing the ball leading in turnovers and inability to score from anywhere except under the basket and ONLY if you’re free, REGARDLESS OF THE RATING.
I can go on and on, but I think you get the point. Anything above ‘Pro’ difficulty is full of bullshit. Unless you’re extreme masochist or just really like “challenge”, don’t even try to play on Hall of Fame. MyPlayer mode is utterly broken. I think it’s probably the worst one they’ve had since 2k11, and 2k13 happened guys. Remember that.
All in all, as of now I’ve played over 100 games in My Career, averaging 32pts, 7 assists and 14 rebounds as SF, with overall 91 rating and, obviously, 3 turnovers per game. The next one in my team is Davis, who averages 11 points, 9 rebounds, 2 assists and 2 blocks per game. Holiday is at 4 points, 0.3 rebounds, 3 assists and 1 steal per game with 29% FG. Frustration OVERLORDS, oh 2k, we bow to thee! I hope you fucking burn in hell you pieces of fucking shit.